Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Green mimosas i think yes
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
