dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
