Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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