i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
