sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
