she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
