i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
