the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
