No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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