cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
