goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
