Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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