my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
