He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
