i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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