you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
