Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
