she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
