he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
