I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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