Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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