I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
