she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
two words...techno handjob
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
