i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
