he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
