grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
