girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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