i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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