OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I am morally bankrupt
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
