the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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