People in love make me want to vomit
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
