How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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