But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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