He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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