Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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