I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
