I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
