dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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