I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
