no, he came in my armpit
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
