My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
