Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
