come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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