Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
