I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
