they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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