Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
