fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
