Kareoke will never be a sober sport
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
