dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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