I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
