He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
