i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
